Skip to main content

the hard love

Five minute Friday at the gypsy mama....

The hardest one to love right now is me.

I thought about it for a while (it is Saturday as I'm writing), and only now in my five minutes does the truth come out.

The hardest one to love right now is me.

My friend who was recently in the hospital for mental issues would like to get together, and I keep turning her away.

Another person I know committed suicide 8 days ago. During his funeral, the only thing that kept echoing through my brain was....When my good friend wanted to do the same, we told her no, that it wasn't worth it, that we loved her and cared for her and wanted to support her. But I was lying.

I was lying, and now that she didn't, and is moving forward, I am not supporting her. I am no where near involved in her life anymore. Just as the suicide of the young man removed him completely from the day to day interactions of all of his friends, apparently in my own life my reaction to my friend is the same as if she were already gone.

I need to change this, to change this hard to love heart of mine into a more loving heart. A more forgiving heart.

I need to love others in a way that will allow me to love myself again. I need to show the love of Christ that I profess to know in the way I treat my friend, the one that I haven't called and haven't visited and haven't gone out for coffee with.

The hardest love....That's me, apparently.

I would appreciate prayers for courage, compassion, friendship, selflessness, and so much more.

Comments

  1. Mama BearApril 23, 2011 at 5:31 PM

    You will be in my prayers. This was a very raw post. Thank you for sharing. Tomorrow is Easter, the resurrection of the One who loves us no matter what, and who can help us be the loving ones that we want and should be.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

five minute friday

Linking up for Five Minute Friday hosted by the gypsy mama. It's Friday morning, there is no school today, and I am wide awake. I have been since about 20 minutes after my alarm usually goes off. I grabbed the cat, shoved her under the covers, and told sweet hubby "Merry Christmas". He wasn't very amused, starting scratching my head to get me to go back to sleep...but I am awake. Awake, and awakening, and growing in awareness. Last weekend was a wake-up call to me. We had a couple of friends over to watch movies on Saturday night, and by Sunday, sweet hubby and I were not on speaking terms. When we finally spoke again, late on Tuesday, I said painful words to sweet hubby.... If you are the person who was in my living room on Saturday night, then I don't want to know you. --I'm not.-- Then you will have to show me. And so we are both awakening to the task of rediscovering how to be good to one another, kind, respectful, building one another up as we r
4 comments
Read more

if you met me...

Linking up at the Gypsy Mama . If you met me.... I'd be happy to chat for a little while, unless I was watching the clock and trying to manage my time. Sometimes I try, sometimes I don't. If you met me at school, I'd only speak to you in Spanish. For real. Unless there were no kids around, in which case I could speak to you in English. If you met me at the beach, I'd be running around in my pjs or a bikini. All the time. I think I even forgot to pack shorts for the current beach trip. Who needs shorts when there are bikinis and sunshine? If you met me, you might think I'm ridiculous about how much I love my husband and our cat. And please don't ask me, after you hear that we've been married for five years, if we have any kids. If I didn't mention any, I probably don't have any. And if I didn't mention on my own that I one day want to have kids, don't ask me when I'm planning to. I think it is rude, and personal, and you never kn
6 comments
Read more

so far away

Linking up to the Gypsy Mama's five minute Friday.... Chile is so far away. My husband's homeland, the place where he most wants to be. His mama is there, his daddy is there, his brothers and cousins and grandmas and the people who mattered most to him for so so so long are there, and we are here. Here in the very different US, with values thrown at us everyday that seem to say that his childhood was inferior and that returning to a life like that would be the most unwise choice. Here, where the only way to get from one place to another is by car. Here, where without a college degree a "real job" is impossible to come by. Here, where being a legal resident costs thousands of dollars, time, and ridiculous interviews where people question whether you are actually married. Distance is what happens when it is time for the holidays, time to remember family traditions, and the people who are still celebrating them, even though he is far away, thrust into the midst of
6 comments
Read more