Friday, March 30, 2012

five minute friday


This week the topic at the gypsy mama is "gift". So here go five minutes, unedited.

Gift. A gift given, received, taken.

But what kind of gift is someone else's sacrifice?

It is a gift for me to spend time with sweet hubby. It is a gift for me to spend part of the afternoon outside, walking or running, chatting, catching up, talking with the man who makes up my world. It is a gift for me to eat dinner with him, to share his bed, to eat breakfast with him.

And yet I want more....I want the gift of having children. I want the gift of making our partnership into a party -- a party of 3 or 4 or more....I want the gift of watching the man I love become a father. I want the gift of motherhood. I want, I want, I want. I want to spend that walk or run with a stroller in front of me. I want to spend that dinner or breakfast cajoling a little person into eating.

The gift of having a family....it eludes me still.

But the gift of being family....I've got that covered. I am a daughter, a sister, a wife. And I have the gift of living close enough to my parents that we can still have Sunday dinner each week and yoga Wednesday nights with my mama and carpool with my sister to some of the things we do together....Being family is a gift, too, not just wanting one.

Focusing on my gifts....that is where I should be.

But I'm not. I'm typically so focused on my wants, that I forget the gifts I've already received.

Monday, March 26, 2012

i am...


1/4 (or 3/12) of the way through the 2012 New Year's goal, and surprised in all of the best ways to have finished in 28:47.

proud of sweet hubby for running in his first race!

hoping that the people on dancing with the stars will stop yelling everything they say soon, or maybe just getting ready to turn off the tv.

understanding more and more what my running buddy meant when she said that she wants to go to a normal church, rather than a college church, but a normal church that is not only geared towards families. Sunday was a pretty darn discouraging day, from start to finish, from church to dinner to the egg hunt and back to church again.

suffering from all the pollen and very very hopeful that the allergy meds will kick in some time soon.

thankful that I have a student teacher who is doing the bulk of the teaching right now, so that I can save up some of my days off for times when I can't handle standing up with the class and teaching for a whole day.

not happy about taxes, especially after spending time looking at all the paperwork with my dad on Sunday. (Like I mentioned before, Sunday was a rough day.)

surveying the destruction that a weekend full of out-of-town friends and bachelorette parties and general over-scheduling has left in the living room, bedroom, bathroom, kitchen....and wishing that a fairy would take care of it all for me.

getting excited about a good friend's wedding coming up in June, even if we have to miss a beach weekend for it!

seriously considering training for a half marathon in July, in Chile, with sweet hubby.

looking forward to the bridge run (10k) this weekend, assuming that I resume normal breathing capabilities before then.

celebrating 6 years of marriage to sweet hubby, and 5 years of home ownership.

eating way too many mini-robin-eggs and hyper-aware of their sodium content.

praying for my sister's best friend from college, Ashley, who had brain surgery recently and is still figuring out the rest of the course of treatment for her cancer, and thinking that it would be ok (um, great, actually) if you prayed for her too.

getting over-heated from the cat sitting on me.

going to bed. like usual.

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I had no idea!

Who knew I am such a control freak? I am so ready to take back over from my student teacher that it is ridiculous!

My student teacher is doing a great job....but he teaches differently than I do and wants to try new things....and I'm starting to think about the calendar and how much has to be covered before the end of April....

I knew I liked to do things my way...but I never anticipated how hard our would be to sit and watch for two whole weeks!

Sunday, March 18, 2012

estoy...

Mirando a la neblina saliendo y subiendo del agua enfrente del muelle, mezclándose con las ramas como brazos de los robles vivos.

No embarasada pero definitivamente una semana atrasada, empezando a preocuparme y esperando no tener que volver al doctor.

Emocionada que veré algunas buenas amigas el próximo fin de semana, aunque no estaré tomando woo woos en preparación de una corrida.

Feliz y contenta y también un poco incrédula que ya el domingo de la otra semana llevo seis años casada con esposito lindo.

Prediciendo que el viernes en la escuela será un desastre mientras los estudiantes hacen helado en una bolsa.

Relativamente contando.....50 días más de escuela antes de las vacaciones de verdad (verano)....unas semanas más antes de la semana libre de la Pascua.

Considerando salir a correr ahora, en la neblina, pero a la vez sintiéndome floja.

Triste, también, con la pérdida de tanta esperanza, pero confiando que algún día entenderé mejor el Plan de Dios para mí familia.

Con ganas de quedarme más tiempo en el reino de la playa, pero firmemente puesta en la realidad que sin volver al trabajo el viaje a Chile se pone más caro para el verano.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

running group: take 3

the first two attempts can be found here and here.

Today was much better. I've still got at least twice more to go -- since I decided that five tries is a good effort -- but at least I'm feeling encouraged by today's running group experience.

It was a smaller group today -- there is a marathon, 1/2, and 10K run going on in my city, and several people were either waylaid by the traffic diversions because of the runs or running in them. However, there were still 5 people running in the 1/2 marathon training group, a couple in the walking group, and me.

There was still not much conversation at the beginning of the group, and no real meaningful conversation throughout the run, but I kept pace with another guy and we helped each other figure out the route. He kept me running a little faster than my normal, which was really good for me. And we got to gripe about the hills to one another. So I don't know his name, and we didn't talk about anything personal, but we ran together (not just 10 feet behind each other) and helped keep each other going. I'm sure we would have chatted afterwards, while cooling down and stretching, if he hadn't been in the 1/2 marathon training group and therefore going on to run three miles more than me this morning. I am proud of myself for getting up and running 6 miles this morning, after the crazy week I've had, and not having run at all since last Sunday. Dealing with the cat bite really put a damper on my physical activities this week.

So the running group? I'm feeling more enthusiastic about sticking with it for at least two more times. Although it might be a little while before I go again, since I'm hoping for a beach trip soon and have two races coming up back to back in the last weekends of March. They will be here so soon!

Friday, March 9, 2012

five minute friday

the word of the week: empty

Oh, and how empty I have felt this week with sweet hubby away.

I have felt the empty space of the house, the empty space of the bed, the empty ache when things have not gone as planned and I have longed to turn to him for the solutions.

Empty.

Empty of conversation.

empty of exercise.

empty of meals shared at the table,
of days exchanged,
of laughter.

the laughter is perhaps the hardest part.

or maybe the commiseration of just how tired each of us feel.

or the emptiness of knowing that even when he comes home, we have had 10 days that the other will never really understand or appreciate.

empty...save for the little notes we write ahead of time for one another....except that my days were empty of these, too....poor planning on sweet hubby's part, thinking I would like my notes virtually this year. No thank you...I'd much rather have something in my hand, to put under my pillow, to open and slide out of the envelope 20 times in the day and then slide into my jewelry box or my sock drawer to stumble across now and then in the future.

empty. empty feels just like waiting.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

while sweet hubby's away the cat will bite

And I will have to change my plans from coaching girls on the run to spending the afternoon getting a shot and antibiotics.

Thanks, kitty.

Thank you so much for my swollen arm and hurting pocket book. I did not budget for this bite.

At least crayon making went relatively well at school today! My kiss were off the wall excited about recycling some crayons.

What a long, mixed up day.

Sweet hubby, come home soon!

I'm falling apart without you!