Saturday, February 23, 2013

i am...

listening to the rain

snuggled up with the kitty cat and a mug of vanilla chai milk

thinking about my dear travel buddy on the day after her birthday, and the hard, hard year she has had, and hoping, hoping, hoping, that this year gets a little bit better for her

wishing for smooth travel for roommate, who is going to visit an old friend, if the rain doesn't cancel her plans

psyching myself up for yoga

planning to purchase notions and get sewing, if the rain doesn't win

totally wrapped up in the silly tv series "Make it or Break it"

a little bit jealous of sweet hubby's ability to sleep past 7:00 a.m. on any day of the week, but especially a saturday

starting week 15 of my pregnancy, and still mostly in disbelief that there is actually a little tiny baby growing in my belly

enjoying the pre-Valentine's flowers sweet hubby brought home to me

Thursday, February 21, 2013


Today was a long day.....LOOOOOONG day.

school, supper, school open house....LOOOOOOONG day.

but I think some updating is in order....

I had an appointment on Monday afternoon, which lasted for about 15 minutes after I had waited for 1.5 hours past my scheduled appointment time. I confronted the doctor about it, and he laughed, and said he was frustrated too, but that he wouldn't show up on time. When I asked him what the check-in ladies would say if I showed up 45 minutes late (like he suggested) for my next appointment, he said, "tell them I told you to". He suggested that his nurse would schedule the referral appointment for genetic counseling (and test result review) that they've been putting off scheduling, and she spoke to me personally to confirm that first thing in the morning she would be making the phone call. There were, however, a couple of really good things about the appointment.

Of course, it is always amazing to hear the baby's heartbeat.

It was also amazing that the kind lady who draws my blood without bruising my inner elbow (which I think is a small miracle every single time) got upset about how off my appointments are being scheduled from what they normally do. She had me review all of the appointments I've had since finding out I was pregnant, went over the "normal" schedule of appointments, and let me know that in general, they have been having trouble with scheduling for the past few months at their office. While I was waiting to see the doctor, she went and spoke to the office manager about how badly the scheduling is working out, and they came up with a couple of solutions they were going to try to implement to make things better in the future. And even though she is not even remotely in charge of scheduling, she apologized for the huge mess that all of my appointments so far have been.

Part of my 15 minute conversation with the doctor did have him conclude that something needed to be done to get me back on a more normal appointment schedule, since taking the time to wait at their office every two weeks is just not working out very well for me. He suggested a reasonable transition of 3 weeks (instead of 2) for the next two appointments, after which I should be able to shift to every 4 weeks.

My favorite part, though, is that I told the scheduler I want to see my normal doctor, and she accommodated my request AND confirmed that my normal doctor does a better job of staying on schedule. And I was very specific about when I wanted/needed the next two appointments, to make sure that I can get to less frequent appointments.

Also, the preliminary test results are in, and it's looking less likely that the baby has Down syndrome, which means I'm not stressing out about that as much. And of course, the nurse who said she would schedule the genetic counseling appointment has NOT followed up. But since the preliminary test results are making me feel so much more relaxed, I'm inclined not to pursue the genetic counseling appointment and just wait it out, like most people do.

Another really nice thing that happened on Monday was a "professional development" day at school. The kids had a holiday, and the few of us teachers who did not participate in a summer professional development opportunity had a 1/2 workday in our classrooms, followed by an instructional fair. My art teacher friend and I asked the principal if we really needed to go to the instructional fair, and she basically gave us permission not to go. So we went out to lunch instead, and had a really great conversation. I don't know this teacher very very well yet, but I believe we are forming a friendship. Each time we are able to sit and talk we find out that we have more and more in common.

I got to tell her about the baby, which I was sort of hesitant to do, since I knew that she has been married about the same amount of time sweet hubby and I have been married (almost 7 years!) and doesn't have kids yet. Knowing my own story about kids and wanting them and not being able to have them and how much it hurt to hear that other people were pregnant, I was concerned that she might have her own difficult story. As awkward as it can be to openly talk about infertility and treatment, it is actually another something that we share -- a long journey that is more complicated than most people let on about. I'm not sure if she asked a leading question or if I just kind of volunteered that we have been waiting a long time for this baby, but after I shared my infertility story, she was able to tell me about a miscarriage followed by an ectopic pregnancy and the long path that is still ahead of her. We both had some of the same treatment and diagnostic procedures and we both definitely shared a lot of the same feelings when hearing about other people's pregnancies -- especially the jealousy and that feeling of "when will it be my turn". Being able to have that conversation with her confirmed for me the importance of being careful with announcements and how they can affect others, and I think (and she said) that having this conversation helped her to be genuinely happy for me, rather than jealous, since she could understand the long road to finally being pregnant. I think our conversation might have nudged her to get back in touch with her doctor, too, so if that happens, and she gets pregnant, I will probably cheer the loudest.

School this week has been a challenge -- mostly to stay motivated. I'm still SO TIRED all the time -- I really can't wait for at least a little bit of energy to come back, even if it is only for a couple of months. Tuesday, I had a really hard time waking up at 5:30, but I did make it to school on time. Tuesday night was a lot of fun too -- Wild Woman supper -- a huge group of ladies who are mostly my mama's age get together once a month for supper. It is vaguely related to our church, but there is a lot of wine and a lot of funny/personal/inappropriate story telling that builds fellowship in a way that meeting in a dry church building cannot. After all of the prayer requests, but before the blessing, I shared my happy news and received the LOUDEST screams of joy. It was fantastic! And then I stayed up too late at supper, talking with all of these amazing (slightly older than me) women. Someone suggested that the baby can be their mascot. I think this little baby is going to be WELL LOVED by all.

On Wednesday, my part time student teacher reminded me that she only has one more week, and after school I met with the hearing loss specialist in our school district to coordinate a special lesson for my two classes, since one of my students is about to get hearing aids. And then there was yoga, of course. I sleep very well on Wednesday nights after yoga.

Sweet hubby took a good friend of his to the doctor yesterday, and it turns out it was the flu -- so now sweet hubby is taking Tamiflu as a preventative measure, to make sure that he doesn't bring those nasty germs into the house with his pregnant wife. (I did get a flu shot in the fall, and he was planning to get one, but just hadn't gotten to it yet....)

And today, we had to stay late at school. The teacher across the hall from me had arranged for us to go out to supper with one of our assistant administrators who was transferred to a different school in the middle of the summer, and that was a lot of fun. Heading back to school after that, though, was not so much fun as it felt like torture. We had "student led open house" -- so my partner teacher and I didn't tell our kids much about it, so as not to encourage them to be there, and out of 34 we had 3 stop by with their parents. When they came in, since it was supposed to be student led, we just told them to tell their parents about the things they had around the room -- science posters, projects, games, etc. And when they were finished, they left. And I sat at my computer wishing I could just close my eyes for a little nap....but I didn't. My partner teacher and I were the first from our hallway to actually leave the school tonight. We both live 30 minutes away. I caught myself getting distracted while driving -- but I tried really hard to re-focus, and I made it home safely.

Tomorrow is Friday, my favorite school day of all. We work with kindergarten for 30 minutes (each group! hurray!) and usually have a lot more of a review day than a pushing full steam ahead with new concepts day -- so it is a lot more relaxed and easier to enjoy. Also, we can wear jeans with a school t-shirt, rather than looking a lot nicer, which is so much more comfortable for getting on the floor and doing experiments and things like that. (Plus, I have a new, belly friendly, pair of jeans that I'm excited to wear -- because my old, non-belly friendly jeans were getting really uncomfortable.) And my student teacher will be there in the morning, so I really won't have to teach too much tomorrow! Yay!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

oh, um, hi!

I guess it's been a while.

I've been....angry. Emotional. I'm blaming the hormones and my doctor's office. They get me so riled up, it is ridiculous. After my appointment tomorrow, sweet hubby and I are going to evaluate whether it is time to find a different practice or not.

I have been focused on getting the results back from some prenatal testing, with the problem that the doctor's office doesn't seem to want to schedule a review of the results. It's annoying to have to call them all the time, have them not return my calls, and to give me conflicting information to what the doctors say during my appointments. It has been clouding what should be a joyous and exciting and happy season for me, because we are finally starting to make this pregnancy public and having to worry worry worry at the same time. (Regardless of the testing results, we are keeping the baby -- there is a high chance of Down syndrome -- which is not what we are hoping for, but we'll accept if it is what God is planning for our lives.)

Things I've been doing to not focus on how much I dislike the doctor's office right now:
1. Shopping! Oh, shopping! If only I actually had the money to support my shopping habit! I just ordered a bunch of things online, and I'm sure most of them will have to go back, either because of budget or because of fit. A very sweet friend of mine sent me a box of her maternity clothes, but our bodies are very different shapes. There are several tops that will work (for now, at least), but most of the pants are way too tight for me -- so I'm trying to find a couple good pairs of khakis that I can wear to school, a pair of jeans, and some shorts, since summer here is HOT.

2. Shopping! Yes, more shopping. My mama took me shopping on Friday (school holiday!) with my sister, and they helped me pick out a couple of nice dresses, a skirt, and some tops that are a little more my style/color. The best part? My mama was paying! I get to keep these, for sure, because most of them I tried on with the belly (what an experience!) and because they were gifts.

3. Volunteering for a local production of the Vagina Monologues. Performed around Valentine's day, this show is often used to help raise awareness of women's issues. The local university production is a fundraiser/volunteer recruiter for a sexual trauma service group in town. They provide free counseling for victims of sexual abuse or rape, visit victims in the hospital to walk them through the process, and do so much more in our community. It was encouraging to see a larger number of male audience members this year than two years ago. It gives me hope that attitudes towards women are changing, albeit slowly.

4. Watching "Make it or Break it" on Netflix. Oh, ABC family, you know just how to rope me in -- a little bit of high school drama, a little bit of gymnastics fun, and, thank you Netflix, no commercials.

5. Finally cleaning up the Christmas mess. This means clearing off the dining room table, which will next be set up as a sewing station. New pants? Must be hemmed. New skirts? Must be hemmed. And there is also the fabric and patterns that I splurged on in January, hoping to be inspired to make myself some of my own maternity clothes....I hope I get more inspired soon, soon, soon! I won't be able to make my before-March goal unless I get moving.

6. Telling people, one by one, about the baby! This is probably my favorite, because we've been married for a while (almost 7 years) and this is our first baby. I am LOVING people's reactions, their screams of delight, their impulse hugs, and the smiles on their faces. It is, I think, the BEST distraction of all.