Thursday, February 10, 2011

When it all becomes too much....

We start yelling, and then crying.

And it is ugly, and hurtful, and really only makes things worse.

Sweet hubby walked in the door and surprised me with the news that he had been mattress-testing.

This after I got the news via facebook that he had bought plane tickets for this summer's trip to Scotland (wahoo! We are really going to Scotland! But did I need to get the news by facebook, rather than when I was sitting in the same room with you? You would have had to wait a few hours more, but we could have celebrated together....)

And I'm already freaking out about the budget. Our budget is bad news. I can pull it together enough to make this trip to Scotland work, but beyond that, I feel like anything else we do needs to be the bare minimum.

It through me for a loop that he had A. bought the tickets, B. been mattress shopping, and C. announced to me, as I was now in a state of shock, that I never try to make the things that are important to him happen.


Where the heck did that come from?

Big mistake on my part....I decided I should fight back. Fight ugly with ugly. And when ugly fights with ugly.....

It only gets uglier.

I left crying on a run (I had been dressed and about to walk out the door when sweet hubby walked in, in the first place).

When I came home, he was gone. More than 30 minutes early for the plans he had for tonight. Obviously avoiding me.

And here I am, sitting here waiting, venting a little, and formulating plans for how we can fix this.

First of all....
Communicate better. Don't tell me every time you can that you want to replace the windows in our house, when really what you want to do is go mattress shopping. Don't tell me that you didn't sleep well but don't know why, when really you think the bed is lumpy on your side. Don't set your expectations so high without knowing a little bit of the back-story.

It's fine and dandy to want a temper-pedic mattress because you've tried one and loved it. It's not fine and dandy to think that you can get one right now, when the people who've had one had to work a whole lot longer and harder to be in a position where they could truly afford to get themselves a beautiful and super comfortable temper-pedic mattress. Take it slow. Just because you see REAL adults with nice things doesn't mean that we are there yet. Yes, I want nice things too. But I want to have all of my things be at least decent before we start upgrading. How did the mattress jump above simple things like a new, non-rusty shower curtain rod?

Guess I'm not done venting yet.

So anyway, while I was running, it occurred to me that we should have a list. And we could do some of that fair-division I researched back in high school, where we each write a list and then designate our own priorities. I think this is similar to good vacation advice: find out what will make the trip for each person before you leave, and then you can make those few things the priorities....

If we know what EACH person in this house thinks are the priorities....Then maybe we can do a better job of satisfying each person.

When sweet angry hubby gets home later, I'll ask him about it....

And hopefully we'll both be cooled down enough to let nice meet nice, instead of more of the uglies.

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