Wednesday, February 23, 2011

hard things

In my life, there are a few things that are decidedly *not* pink. In fact, they are downright blue.

So I'm going to get them off my chest here, and then move forward, hopefully.

1. One of my best friends is suffering from a deep depression. She is finally on medication, which is helping her face suicidal thoughts, or avoid them, and she is in counseling. However, the medication she is on is freeing her mind to think about and remember lots of details of sexual abuse that she suffered as a child, giving her horrible nightmares, and might be having that side-effect oft mentioned, "may cause an increase in suicidal thoughts," which is not so great, when that's what she is taking it to combat. I'm very glad that my friend is loved and supported by those of us around us, and feels comfortable talking to us about what she is experiencing, and leaning on us for support. I'm not glad to know the exact details of what she has experienced and the demons that are haunting her, because knowing these sorts of details lead me to have nightmares of my own. Also, some of the other friends who are supporting her have demons of their own that they are already trying to combat, and adding extra demons on top is not making it any easier for them. It is hard for me to know that my friend, someone I care about so deeply, is suffering so much, and that she wants my help and support, and that I don't know what she needs or how to best give it to her. I don't know the best ways to lift her up, and I'm afraid sometimes that what I might say or do might pull her downwards, even if that is not my intention.

2. An old family friend (meaning, a friend of the family from a long time ago, not old age-wise) was in a terrible accident on Sunday and passed away yesterday. I hadn't seen her or the rest of her family in years and years, and only heard about the accident from a friend. After church, she was jay-walking back to her car with her family, and a car ran into her. The car stopped with her on the wind-shield. After several broken bones and brain damage, she didn't make it. One of her sons was also in the accident, but will survive, and her other son was running behind them and saw the whole thing happen.

This shouldn't be so hard for me to process, since I hadn't seen this family in so long. But the idea of life being stolen right out from under someone has got me worried. I know that it is in God's hands to decide where and when we join His kingdom, but even so, I live as if tomorrow is a guarantee. It's not. And while it shouldn't bother me to think of it as a gift that I can't predict, it does.

It's something I will definitely have to work on.

3. I don't even remember what 3 was. But there was one, to start with.

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