May 6: The anniversary

 Today is the anniversary of my husband's mom's death.  

My mother in law's death. 

My children's grandmother's death.

This year (plus some) has been a very difficult year, punctuated by difficult emotions, fights with my husband, lots of sadness, and a few really high highlights (usually totally unrelated to all of the difficult emotions, fights with my husband, and sadness). 

Briefly, this morning, we mentioned (I mentioned?) to the children that today is the anniversary of Mimi's death.  My five year old: "What is an anniversary?"

Later this afternoon, we'll tell stories about Mimi to help them remember her, even though they spent very little time with her.  They were 6, 4, and 2 when she went to heaven, and our visits to Chile and her visits to us here were few.  

I have wondered, too many times to count, over the course of the past year (plus some), whether the difficulty, and sadness, and fighting were a poor expression of our grief.  (Probably some, but probably not all.)

I have wondered, "What will our trip to visit hubby's family be like without her there?"

I have wondered, "Is this how my own parents felt when their fathers died when I was five, and they were 35?"

So today, in between all of the other things the day holds, I'm also thinking about Mimi. 

And I'm hoping, and wishing, and wondering whether the next year without her here on earth might possibly bring a little more happiness, a little more light, a little more compassion and understanding, especially between me and my husband.